Podcast-When It Doesn’t Feel Real

Topic: Numbness, Shock, and the “Freeze” Response

Total Estimated Runtime: 18–22 Minutes

Intro & Specialist Backgrounds (0:00 – 5:00)

(BGM: Slow, atmospheric lo-fi with nature sounds like rain or distant wind)

Hi, welcome to Tila, a quiet space to pause and breathe in the middle of everything you’re navigating. If you’re here because you checked in on our website and this episode, the one about feeling ‘nothing’ felt the closest to your heart right now, you’re in the right place.

Dito sa Tila, hindi mo kailangang makinig in order. We don’t believe in ‘stages’ or ‘steps’ na need matapos. Instead, we encourage you to choose the space that fits your current weather. Today, we’re sitting with the ‘numb’ space. Yung pakiramdam na parang nanonood ka lang sa buhay mo mula sa malayo. If you’re staring at a wall right now, or just going through the motions, stay here with us. You’re not doing this wrong.

Before we dive into the ‘why’ of this numbness, I want to introduce the specialists whose insights I’ve gathered for this project. Throughout this episode, I’ll be sharing the wisdom and research I found during my interviews with three dedicated practitioners.

First, we have Relationship Coach Alicia Serrano. In our interviews, Coach Alicia talked a lot about ‘Balanced Healing.’ She works with emerging adults who often feel ‘guilty’ because they aren’t crying or feeling ‘sad enough’ after a breakup. She’s here to remind us that healing isn’t a performance.

Next, I spoke with Clylee Javier, a multimedia practitioner. Clylee studies how the content we scroll through affects our nervous system. She helps us understand why we might reach for certain ‘distractions’ and how we can be more intentional with our digital consumption when we feel lutang.

And finally, we have Marj Laurena, a therapeutic arts advocate. She specialized in using sensory activities yung mga nahahawakan, nakikita, at nararamdaman natin para i-ground tayo kapag ang isip natin ay masyado nang malayo sa ating katawan.

Ngayong kilala na natin ang mga specialists whose research and wisdom are guiding this episode, simulan nating himayin ang katahimikang ito bakit nga ba minsan, ang nararamdaman natin ay… wala?”

The Body: Q&A Segment (5:00 – 18:00)

Q: Bakit parang ‘lutang’ ako? Is it normal to feel nothing?

May isang respondent na nag-share sa akin during my research. Sabi niya, ‘I went to school the day after the breakup. I ate lunch, I laughed at a joke, I did my homework. Para akong robot.’ When I asked Coach Alicia about this, she used a very helpful analogy: the Circuit Breaker. Isipin mo ang bahay mo kapag nag-overload ang kuryente, nag-ti-trip ang breaker para hindi masunog ang buong system. Your brain is doing the same thing. Numbness is your natural circuit breaker.

According to George Bonanno, a researcher in grief and resilience, this is actually a ‘freeze’ stress reaction. It’s not that you don’t care; it’s that your system is pacing itself. It’s slowing things down para hindi ka mabigla sa bigat. It’s your mind’s way of saying, ‘I’ll handle the pain later, when I’m in a safer place.’

Q: Does this numbness mean I’m in denial or that the relationship wasn’t important?

Ito ang madalas nating itanong sa sarili natin, ‘di ba? ‘Bakit hindi ako wasak?’ Sabi ni Coach Alicia, numbness is NOT the same as denial. Denial is when you actively push the truth away. Numbness is passive, your system is just ‘offline.’

In my interviews with Clylee, we talked about how we use the media to maintain this numbness. Maybe you’re binge-watching a show not because you like it, but because it fills the silence.

Let’s look at the Metabolic Energy concept by James Gross. Processing a loss is like running a ‘heavy app’ on your phone. If your ‘battery’ is low, your phone will dim the screen and close background apps just to stay alive. That’s your body right now. 

Ang pagtawa mo sa isang meme or ang pag binge watch ng films or series, doesn’t mean the relationship didn’t matter. It just means your system is prioritizing survival. You are hibernating.

Q: What if I don’t want to ‘fix’ it yet? Is it okay to just stay numb?

Actually, the biggest takeaway from my research is this: Don’t force the tears if they aren’t there. Sabi ni Coach Alicia, when we try to ‘fix’ the numbness by forcing ourselves to be sad, mas lalo lang tayong nade-drain.

If we don’t force a system restart, we are giving our brain the grace it needs to recalibrate. There’s a respondent who mentioned na after two weeks of feeling numb, bigla na lang siyang naiyak habang bumibili ng kape. That’s the ‘thaw.’ 

Darating din ‘yun. But for now, if the current weather of your heart is ‘cloudy and quiet,’ let it be. Acceptance starts with acknowledging your current state even if that state is just emptiness.

III. Integration & Activity: The Visual Pause (18:00 – 22:00)

Bago tayo magpatuloy, I want us to try a short activity called The Visual Pause. Minsan kasi kapag numb tayo, feeling natin wala tayong nararamdaman pero ang totoo, baka overwhelmed lang ang system natin at kailangan lang natin ng ‘grounding.’

As Miss Marj suggested, this is a way to gently reconnect with yourself. Hindi mo kailangang pilitin ang sarili mong mag-breakdown para lang ma-prove na nasasaktan ka o nag-care ka. Instead, let’s just notice where you are right ngayon.

I want you to look around wherever you are. Find just one object yung may texture na gusto mo o nakakuha ng attention mo. Maybe it’s the fabric of your shirt, the coldness of a glass, or the grain of a wooden table.

Huwag mo munang isipin yung ‘past’ o yung ‘future.’ Just notice that one thing. Kung nasa labas ka, look at how the light hits the floor or yung long shadow sa pader. Pay attention to the simple stuff—the colors, the textures, or the space around it. Sit with it for a moment. Bakit kaya ito yung nakakuha ng pansin mo today?

After finding that one object you take a photo of it and just notice the detail of it, if you want you can also look for a specific color that caught your attention, and take a series of photos of that color around you.

For this moment, I’m going to play some music for one minute or two. In this pause, I invite you to just breathe and look at that one object. You are here. You are safe. Nothing is being asked of you right now.

(Music Bed: 60-90 seconds of very gentle, melodic lo-fi)

How did that feel? Even for just a moment, it helped you come back to your body. Sabi nga ni Clylee Javier, for the rest of the day, try to reach for ‘low-stimuli’ content yung mga calm nature videos or gentle podcasts para hindi ma-overwhelm ang senses mo. Take it easy.”

Conclusion & Tease (21:00 – 24:00)

As we end this episode, I want to leave you with something that Coach Alicia often says: You are the space, hindi ikaw yung bagyo. And right now, the space is just quiet, and that’s okay. Hindi mo kailangang magmadali na ‘makaramdam’ agad. Thank you for trusting Tila to sit with you in this numbness.

Huwag mong kalimutan na you can always stay here and listen to this again kung kailangan mo ng kasama sa katahimikan. You don’t have to move until you’re ready.

But if mapansin mo na unti-unti nang nag-shi-shift ang ‘weather’ mo kung nagsisimula nang mag-replay ang mga ‘what-ifs’ sa isip mo at hindi na tumitigil ang mga tanong you might find comfort in our next episode, ‘The Loop I Can’t Turn Off.’

Pag-uusapan naman natin doon kung bakit minsan, ang utak natin ay parang sirang plaka na pabalik-balik sa nakaraan, at kung paano natin dahan-dahang mapapatahimik ang ingay. Until then, be gentle with yourself. We begin kung nasaan ka man. This is Tila